I’m not okay. I’m never okay. I will probably never be okay.
There is “as good as I can be” which I could use as my version of okay. But it is far from what anyone would consider okay.
I keep trying to stay “as good as I can be” for as long as possible. I fight to stay in that place where I can be productive and continue on with my projects.
But new health hurdles constantly appear before me. I’m starting to feel like a broken record when I have to tell people that I am, once again, in a bad way. That I am currently much sicker than my normal level of sick. I worry people will eventually say, “Not this again.”
I’m not as good as I can be right now. I’m hoping after a visit with the doctor, perhaps a tweak of my medications, and some good ol’ fashion waiting for it to pass… I will bounce back to being as good as I can be.
I’m very depressed and frustrated. I’m sleeping a lot. My limbs feel so heavy. I don’t have the power to move them properly. I’m out of breath just trying to get out of bed. A can of soda feels more like a barbell. I can’t find the concentration to hold a conversation. Which means I haven’t talked to anyone in a while. I miss my friends and I am lonely. I miss my camera. I have so many photos to take and no energy to take them.
I will figure out a way to get back to as good as I can be. I wish I could stay there longer than I usually do. But I’m afraid my life likes to yo-yo me from that place to where I am now.
Until I dig myself out of this rut I will just snuggle my pup and watch cartoons.
I really want to give this guy a hug.